This is my second journal entry in two years. I don't know what has happened.

I feel the horrible urge to write sappy post-chaotic breakup songs. I have just put on stasis and possibly ended a two-year relationship. The reason the journal entries stopped. I got swept in something good and tried to turn into a lifetime of love too quickly. It took myself and Jessie so long to realize that. I don't know where I'm going. I woke up everyday, for her. I came home, to her. I was in every essence of my being, wrapped up in her, wether it be for good or bad. When it was good, it was great, when it was bad... it was terrible. I have said things to her, I would have never said to another human being, before I met her. We had a chaotic, discordant relationship, intermingled by a hatred and love of one another that seemed to defy sanity.

It was an absolutely essential, volotile relationship. I loved her, still love her and I don't think I'll ever stop. Yet at a point, I think I need to step back, look at the person I'm becoming, look at the person I am and have to just... stop. I have to be in solitary until I find my way again.

I've never had a solid path, as this journal would attest, but through most of my life, I was comfortable. Comfortable in depression, comfortable in sadness, yet none the lesser, stable.

I recently found myself in a situation where I was becoming a monster, where I would live a life of torture AND love, for years to come.

Love is the greatest of all things, yet it too, has a price. I believe the price of my relationship was my stability, my sanity and everything that I clutched onto, identifiable as 'self. I love her though, I love her in every essence of my being. In my fibre, but I don't know what to do.